by Dr Eben van Blerk

The concept of Emotional intelligence (EI) has captured audiences across the globe since the publication of Daniel Goleman’s research on the topic in 1995. Irrespective of the large body of scientific research published on the topic during the past two decades, there are many misconceptions about this field. EI is extremely important in modern day leadership, but it’s unfortunately easily misunderstood. 

Here are 7 common misconceptions about Emotional Intelligence:

#1 EI and IQ is the same thing

EI and IQ is not the same. EI is often referred to as EQ or emotional maturity. Just as IQ is the measure of our cognitive intelligence, EQ is a measure of how emotionally intelligent or emotionally mature we are. Our EI indicates our ability to recognise and handle one’s own and the emotions of others. It determines how we interact with and treat people. On the other hand, IQ indicates a person’s ability to learn, recalling learned information and using it to reason and solve problems. The better we are at applying these abilities, the higher our IQ is expected to be and the better our chances of achieving high marks in school. It is possible for a person to have a high IQ but low EQ.

#2 Women are more emotionally intelligent than men

Probably the most well-known urban legend is that women are more emotionally intelligent than men. Women are not more emotionally intelligent than men and men are not better at understanding and managing emotions. In general, men and women are more similar than different when it comes to EI.  Too few research studies regarding EI and gender have been done during the past two decades to conclusively state that one of the sexes is superior to the other. EI is definitely not a touchy-feely female attribute. Both men and women can be highly emotionally intelligent or seriously lack these skills. 

#3 EI is about being empathetic

EI is often only associated with being empathetic or nice. Empathy is a core part of EI but not the only ingredient.  Being emotionally intelligent does not mean being nice; it requires empathy for us to recognize the feelings of others.

EI starts with strong self-awareness and self-control skills to understand and manage our own feelings. In addition, it includes assertiveness to help us build and maintain constructive and healthy mutually beneficial relationships.High empathy together with other underdeveloped EI skills can do more harm than good. 

#4 EI is born and not learned

IQ is an ability we are born with and typically develop until we reach our teenage years when our brain is fully developed and remains the same thereafter. EI can however be learned and can be improved over time as we continue to learn from our live experiences i.e. as we mature. The sooner we start developing our ability to recognise and handle our own emotions and the emotions of others, the sooner our EI will grow and help to building and maintain healthy and collaborative relationships in our lives. Developing emotional intelligence skills requires hard work. You also have to believe there is a need for change and you have to be in it for the long haul. Developing your EI will probably be one of the most difficult challenges you will ever face. 

There is no easy fix and you will not become more emotionally intelligent if you do not practice these skills. Conscious effort and practice will lead to increased EI. It is also easy to fall back on old habits. Working on your EI is therefore a continuous effort. EI is not dependent on our genes and it is not just common sense.

#5 Emotionally intelligent people do not handle conflict

Having EI skills does not equate to an unwillingness to solve conflict or deal with difficult issues due to being too nice. Emotionally intelligent individuals are capable of dealing with conflict. Their ability to listen, understand, recognize and manage their own and the feelings of others, makes them highly successful in dealing with the issue at hand. They embrace and effectively solve conflict. 

#6 Emotions do not belong in the workplace

The world of work is emotional. You cannot leave your emotions at the door when you walk into the office. Due to the physical structure of the human brain, emotions are a core part of our being. Emotions unavoidably inform our thoughts, actions and decision making and influence how we respond to others. The behaviour of others for example can influence how we feel and our emotions can influence our performance. Not being able to understand and manage our emotions in the workplace is often the cause misery and could potentially lead to losing our jobs or not getting promoted.  Increasing research evidence the past three decades have shown that managing our own and the emotions of others can significantly influence our work performance. 

#7 IQ is more important that EQ for success

Each job requires basic entry level technical skills and a level of IQ. On a daily basis as we operate in the trenches, we pick up more specialized knowledge and skill. We need this technical expertise to get the job done.  Technical expertise alone however is not enough for superior performance. High IQ professionals often fail in their careers due to low EQ. They find themselves in trouble because they are not able to apply their expertise through productive collaboration with others. High IQ and technical expertise together with the lack of emotional skills to manage relationships often make clever people stupid. It is the emotional competence that adds the edge and contributes more to superior performance than IQ and technical expertise.  

Also read: “What Emotional Intelligence (EQ) really means and how it can be a good predictor of success” by Dr Eben van Blerk.

About the Author:

Eben van Blerk has more than 25 years’ corporate experience and he holds a Doctor of Technology degree in ‘the role of emotional intelligence in information systems work‘. Eben has published articles and book chapters on leadership and emotional intelligence in local and international publications. His emotional intelligence talks and programmes are well received by the corporate and private sector.

Contact Eben on LinkedIn if you need a speaker and workshop facilitator on emotional intelligence for your next team engagement.

Your audience will be captivated by his emotional intelligence insight, strong interpersonal skills and practical teamwork experience. It will equip them with knowledge and tools for improved communication, effective conflict handling and managing their emotions towards a more productive and fulfilled business and personal life.