7 Misconceptions about Emotional Intelligence

by Dr Eben van Blerk

The concept of Emotional intelligence (EI) has captured audiences across the globe since the publication of Daniel Goleman’s research on the topic in 1995. Irrespective of the large body of scientific research published on the topic during the past two decades, there are many misconceptions about this field. EI is extremely important in modern day leadership, but it’s unfortunately easily misunderstood.

Here are 7 common misconceptions about Emotional Intelligence:

#1 EI and IQ is the same thing

EI and IQ is not the same. EI is often referred to as EQ or emotional maturity. Just as IQ is the measure of our cognitive intelligence, EQ is a measure of how emotionally intelligent or emotionally mature we are. Our EI indicates our ability to recognise and handle one’s own and the emotions of others. It determines how we interact with and treat people. On the other hand, IQ indicates a person’s ability to learn, recalling learned information and using it to reason and solve problems. The better we are at applying these abilities, the higher our IQ is expected to be and the better our chances of achieving high marks in school. It is possible for a person to have a high IQ but low EQ.

#2 Women are more emotionally intelligent than men

Probably the most well-known urban legend is that women are more emotionally intelligent than men. Women are not more emotionally intelligent than men and men are not better at understanding and managing emotions. In general, men and women are more similar than different when it comes to EI. Too few research studies regarding EI and gender have been done during the past two decades to conclusively state that one of the sexes is superior to the other. EI is definitely not a touchy-feely female attribute. Both men and women can be highly emotionally intelligent or seriously lack these skills.

#3 EI is about being empathetic

EI is often only associated with being empathetic or nice. Empathy is a core part of EI but not the only ingredient. Being emotionally intelligent does not mean being nice; it requires empathy for us to recognize the feelings of others.

EI starts with strong self-awareness and self-control skills to understand and manage our own feelings. In addition, it includes assertiveness to help us build and maintain constructive and healthy mutually beneficial relationships.High empathy together with other underdeveloped EI skills can do more harm than good.

#4 EI is born and not learned

IQ is an ability we are born with and typically develop until we reach our teenage years when our brain is fully developed and remains the same thereafter. EI can however be learned and can be improved over time as we continue to learn from our live experiences i.e. as we mature. The sooner we start developing our ability to recognise and handle our own emotions and the emotions of others, the sooner our EI will grow and help to building and maintain healthy and collaborative relationships in our lives. Developing emotional intelligence skills requires hard work. You also have to believe there is a need for change and you have to be in it for the long haul. Developing your EI will probably be one of the most difficult challenges you will ever face.

There is no easy fix and you will not become more emotionally intelligent if you do not practice these skills. Conscious effort and practice will lead to increased EI. It is also easy to fall back on old habits. Working on your EI is therefore a continuous effort. EI is not dependent on our genes and it is not just common sense.

#5 Emotionally intelligent people do not handle conflict

Emotionally intelligent individuals can deal with conflict

Having EI skills does not equate to an unwillingness to solve conflict or deal with difficult issues due to being too nice. Emotionally intelligent individuals are capable of dealing with conflict. Their ability to listen, understand, recognize and manage their own and the feelings of others, makes them highly successful in dealing with the issue at hand. They embrace and effectively solve conflict.

#6 Emotions do not belong in the workplace

The world of work is emotional. You cannot leave your emotions at the door when you walk into the office. Due to the physical structure of the human brain, emotions are a core part of our being. Emotions unavoidably inform our thoughts, actions and decision making and influence how we respond to others. The behaviour of others for example can influence how we feel and our emotions can influence our performance. Not being able to understand and manage our emotions in the workplace is often the cause misery and could potentially lead to losing our jobs or not getting promoted. Increasing research evidence the past three decades have shown that managing our own and the emotions of others can significantly influence our work performance.

#7 IQ is more important that EQ for success

Each job requires basic entry level technical skills and a level of IQ. On a daily basis as we operate in the trenches, we pick up more specialized knowledge and skill. We need this technical expertise to get the job done. Technical expertise alone however is not enough for superior performance. High IQ professionals often fail in their careers due to low EQ. They find themselves in trouble because they are not able to apply their expertise through productive collaboration with others. High IQ and technical expertise together with the lack of emotional skills to manage relationships often make clever people stupid. It is the emotional competence that adds the edge and contributes more to superior performance than IQ and technical expertise.

Also read: “What Emotional Intelligence (EQ) really means and how it can be a good predictor of success” by Dr Eben van Blerk.

About the Author:

Eben van Blerk - Emotional Intelligence workshop facilitator

Eben van Blerk has more than 25 years’ corporate experience and he holds a Doctor of Technology degree in ‘the role of emotional intelligence in information systems work‘. Eben has published articles and book chapters on leadership and emotional intelligence in local and international publications. His emotional intelligence talks and programmes are well received by the corporate and private sector.

Contact Eben on LinkedIn if you need a speaker and workshop facilitator on emotional intelligence for your next team engagement.

Your audience will be captivated by his emotional intelligence insight, strong interpersonal skills and practical teamwork experience. It will equip them with knowledge and tools for improved communication, effective conflict handling and managing their emotions towards a more productive and fulfilled business and personal life.

April 25, 2019April 26, 2019 Linky

Emotional Intelligence for Project Managers

by Dr Eben van Blerk

Predictor of Success

Which qualities do we need to be successful in life? Above average cognitive intelligence (IQ) and academic achievement are traditional measures of success in life. In fact, companies often focus on technical skills during recruitment and project staffing and ignore the human aspects. IQ, technical skills, academic qualifications and certifications alone however are not enough for success anymore. We are measured against a new yardstick. How we behave, get along with others and work together as a team, have become critical for success.

Much has been written about Emotional Intelligence (EI) the past two decades since the publication of Daniel Goleman’s 1995 book by that title. Research linking EI to performance at work has proliferated. Emotional competence is linked to performance in a variety of jobs, organisations and cultures [1].

The world of work is emotional. Most of us have experienced moments in our lives where we are caught up in daily challenges which distracts us from achieving our goals. Our energy is often drained by peak hour traffic, a difficult client or colleague in a project meeting. We start the day with best intentions but soon we find ourselves in the opposite direction we had in mind. Our emotions have surpassed all sense of reality, leaving us in denial and regretful about our behaviour.

The behaviour of others can influence our emotions and our emotions can influence our performance. Emotions can either help us to achieve our goals or contribute to us not being successful at all. Increasing research evidence suggests that learning to become more aware of our emotions and becoming better at managing our emotions can have a significant positive influence on how effective we are at getting things done. [2,1,4]. Research has shown that EI exceeds IQ when it comes to success. EI has become one of the biggest predictors of success at home, at the office and life in general. [3].

Emotions and the structure of the brain

Understanding the concept of emotion will add more clarity. An emotion is a physical reaction or change in our body based on what we experience in our environment, e.g. something we see, hear or think. An emotion is a trigger for our body to act. The basic emotions are anger, sadness, fear, enjoyment, love, surprise, disgust and shame. Each emotion is accompanied by a biological signature. With anger heart rate increase, fear leads to sweaty hands and enlarged pupils, surprise causes the eyebrows to lift and with shame, blood often rushes to the face.

Emotions are often referred to as matters of the heart. The human brain however is central to our emotional and rational life specifically two of its components, the limbic (emotional) brain and the rational brain. The limbic brain records everything that happens in our lives. It serves as our emotional memory and controls all emotional related matters and biological signals such as tears of sadness. It is the centre of our fight or flight responses and stores a repertoire of possible reactions when triggered. As we grow older, with life experience this repertoire of responses, is extended. Our response to each emotion is also influenced by our experiences, upbringing and culture. The limbic brain is key to our survival as humans. Our rational brain on the other hand is responsible for problem-solving and decision making.

Emotional hijacking

When faced with danger, the rational brain will start the problem solving process evaluating all relevant factors to devise a plan of action. While this is happening, the emotional brain will consult its repertoire of stored responses and send out the necessary fight or flight instructions to the body. The emotional brain reacts much faster than the rational brain and in effect hijacks the rational brain and simply takes over. Before we can rationally think what to do, our emotional brain decided and our body reacted. This is often where afterwards we struggle to understand why we acted in a particular way since “…this is not me, I am not like that…”.

Intelligently managing our emotions

EI in essence is the ability to manage the above emotional hijacking that happens in our brain. In layman’s terms it translates to acting appropriately in any given situation. From an academic perspective, EI is a “set of skills relevant to how we perceive, understand, reason with and manage our own and others’ feelings” [5].

If we recognise and understand what we are feeling and why, we can intelligently manage our emotions and use it to our advantage in decision making. Without this ability, our emotions can often be a source of great misery in our lives. The good news therefor is that EI can be improved, if we have the desire to do so. Self-awareness can help us to understand how our emotions influence our behaviour. This insight can assist in rewiring our limbic brain to ensure that our behaviour is more in line with our intentions and values.

This is the first instalment in a series on emotional intelligence. Further articles will unpack the business case for EI, how EI is measured as well as the difference between EI and IQ. Each of the emotional competencies that combine to make up emotional intelligence will be discussed in further detail. South African research on the role of emotional intelligence in project management will also be shared.

Please subscribe to Virtual Project Consulting not to miss any future updates!

References

Sala, F. 2006. The international business case: emotional intelligence competencies and important business outcomes. In Druskat, V.U., Sala, F & Mount, G. (eds). Linking emotional intelligence and performance at work: current research evidence with individuals and groups. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum: 125-144.
Bar-On, R., Handley, R. & Fund, S. 2006. The impact of emotional intelligence on performance. In Druskat, V.U., Sala, F. & Mount, G. (eds). Linking emotional intelligence and performance at work: current research evidence with individuals and groups. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum: 3-19.
Goleman, D. 1995. Emotional intelligence. New York, NY: Bantam Books.
Van Blerk, W.E. 2013. The role of emotional intelligence in implementing information technology strategies. Unpublished doctoral thesis, Cape Peninsula University of Technology, Cape Town.
Palmer, B.R., Gignac, G.E., Ekermans, G. & Stough, C. 2008. A comprehensive framework for emotional intelligence. In Emmerling, R.J., Shanwal, V.K. & Mandal, M.K. (eds). Emotional intelligence: theoretical and cultural perspectives. Hauppauge, NY: Nova Science: 17-38.

About the Author:

Eben van Blerk is a Manager and Senior Business Analyst with more than 25 years’ corporate experience in information systems. Eben holds a Doctor of Technology degree in the role of emotional intelligence in information systems work. He has a keen interest in the role of emotional intelligence in performance at work and a passion for assisting individuals, through coaching and mentoring, to become more emotionally intelligent. In addition to presenting industry talks and facilitating emotional intelligence workshops, Eben has co-authored articles and book chapters on leadership and emotional intelligence in local and international publications.

Connect with Eben on LinkedIn here

January 19, 2012February 10, 2019 Linky

The Project Manager and Emotional Intelligence

One quality a project manager needs to have to be really successful is Emotional Intelligence.

Your Emotional Intelligence can help make or break you. Emotional Intelligence or EQ is your ability to handle yourself and others. It is all about your ability to get along with others and build relationships. This also means that you can face conflict with the people around you and keep those relationships intact.

Think about it, your EQ is a conflict resolution tool! Here are 3 ways that your EQ helps you resolve conflict.

#1 EQ prevents unproductive conflict

When you are self-aware (one of the five components of EQ) you understand your moods. Who do you think is more likely to engage in unproductive conflict: A person in a good mood or a person in a bad mood? The person who is in a bad mood right? To build on that, imagine the person who walks around completely unaware of their emotions. Who knows what is going to set them off, they certainly don’t know.

Let’s take this even further, to really avoid unproductive conflict you want to recognize your moods and then exhibit self-control (another component of EQ). Yes the person in a bad mood is more likely to engage in useless conflict; but this person needs to be able to control their behaviours while in a bad mood. This is the person who gets that they are cranky and is careful with their words and actions because they know they are easily upset.

#2 EQ helps YOU navigate productive conflict

Sometimes disagreements are a good thing. When you lead your team through issue resolution, not every team member will suggest the same solution. From that productive conflict the best and most creative solution can be designed. Only if YOU and your team can draw upon your self-awareness, self-control, motivation, empathy and social skills (all components of EQ) to work together.

As you work through the conflict you are drawing upon your awareness of your feelings during the conflict and your self-control to behave professionally. You are motivated to work things out and care about seeing the issue through until the best solution is found. You don’t care if the solution selected is your solution, you care that it is the right solution. You employ active listening (part of empathy) to guide the team through the discussion and you draw upon your social skills to seek participation from all appropriate parties.

#3 EQ helps you repair relationships

Even with your best intentions and best behaviour, not all conflict is productive conflict. Sometimes feelings get hurt. Now what are you going to do about it?

You are going to use all of your EQ skills to repair those relationships. This might involve listening to the wounded parties as they share with you why they are upset and what you can do to help. If could mean that you invite them to lunch or for coffee to show that you have no hard feelings. Whatever approach you take, the fact is that if you were not emotionally intelligent it would not even occur to you that you should work to repair the relationship. If you ignore a damaged relationship, you are inviting additional and unnecessary conflict.

Want to know more about improving your EQ?

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